


missed opportunities

by edwardnygmas



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: But it has a kinda happy ending, Eddie is sad, Ghost Eddie, M/M, richie is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-17 01:13:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21045857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edwardnygmas/pseuds/edwardnygmas
Summary: Eddie is a ghost, stuck in Derry after the losers kill Pennywise.





	missed opportunities

Eddie saw the others running out of the collapsing house. He ran after them, scared that he was too far behind, that he wouldn’t make it out, and wondering why they were leaving him. He screamed for them, calling their names with no response; they all just kept running. As the house continued to fall in on itself, he thought about giving up, that maybe he should just die there. The way his friends were ignoring his screams for help broke his heart. But he kept going, and then he was out, watching the old house completely disintegrate into rubble on the ground. The others were watching it too, but he felt like he wasn’t one of them. Like they were still ignoring him for some reason, and Eddie felt alone. 

He heard Richie screaming his name, saw the way the others were holding him back from running into the ruin.

“Eddie! He’s still in there, Eddie! He’s still-” 

Eddie had never seen Richie like this before, and he knew it wasn’t some kind of joke. 

“Richie, I’m here! I’m right here Richie, look at me!” 

Eddie was standing right in front of the other man, but he was looking right through him, they all were. None of his friends acknowledged him, and they looked as wrecked as Richie. 

“Bev? Guys, this isn’t funny. FUCKING LOOK AT ME!” 

Eddie’s voice broke, and he reached out a shaky arm and touched Richie’s shoulder, silently praying for the man to respond to the touch. His hand rested on Richie, but Eddie felt no contact on his skin, and Richie didn’t even flinch. It was like Eddie wasn’t even there. 

He moved his hand to Richie’s face, and still felt nothing. 

Eddie tried to touch his own face, and sank to the ground in shock when he realized he couldn’t feel anything. 

The others started to walk away, and Eddie knew deep down what had happened. He could remember the demon stabbing him, he could remember the pain and the fear and Richie holding his hand as he lay on the ground, unable to stand or move. That was the last thing he could remember before seeing his friends running away. 

Eddie stood up, feeling numb and scared, terrified in fact, and walked closer to the ruin. He looked through the remains, searching for his body, and even though he found nothing, he still knew. 

He turned around, seeing his friends getting farther away from him, and he ran after them. He still screamed their names, desperately, but he knew that they wouldn’t hear him.

He followed them to the lake that they all had played in as children, watched as they all got into the water. Eddie stood in the water with them, but his body didn’t get wet, and he still felt nothing at all physically. He tried to splash water at Bill but as hard as he hit the water, nothing happened. He felt numb. 

“Eddie would have hated this.” 

Eddie heard his friends talking about him, about how he would have worried about germs and diseases, but that he would have made them laugh. It should have made him smile, but Eddie didn’t feel happiness. He didn’t move, standing rigid in the water, watching his friends look right through him. He realized that they must have killed Pennywise, but even that thought didn’t give him any joy. Eddie had felt broken before, throughout his life, but never like this. 

He looked at his friends and saw that they were all huddled around Richie, who was sobbing violently. They were hugging him, and Eddie walked over and joined them, wrapping his weightless arms around Richie. 

After the lake, Eddie followed Richie to his hotel. He didn’t know where else to go, what else to do. It only seemed natural to stay with Richie, even if the other man couldn’t see him. 

Richie was a mess. He cried again as soon as he entered the room, and Eddie was powerless. He stood awkwardly in the corner by the window, feeling like he was invading his privacy. He hated seeing Richie like this, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave. 

Richie just sat on the bed for hours, staring blankly at the wall or the floor. Eddie talked to him the whole time, but he knew the other man couldn’t hear him. He sat next to him, telling him that he was sorry that he wasn’t strong enough, but that he was glad that it was him that died and not Richie. 

Saying the words out loud was hard, and then it was Eddie who was crying. He was thinking of all the things that he had wanted to do in life, things he had been too scared to do. He told them to Richie, and it felt good to get it all off his chest. 

Eddie told Richie how important he was to him, and how much he hated himself for not telling him this before he died. He told Richie how much it had meant to him when he had said that he was braver than he thought. He cried some more because everything he had just said was so important to him and Richie couldn’t even fucking hear him. 

Eventually, Richie fell asleep, and Eddie felt wrong just sitting there watching him. He was scared to leave the hotel room though, like it was his comfort zone that he couldn’t break out of. He walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror for the first time, and although his reflection stared back at him, it looked wrong, and if he were alive, he surely would have thrown up. His skin was pale and sickly looking, and his wounds were there, both on his cheek and his stomach. They were ugly and stuck out against his white skin, and Eddie vowed to never look in a mirror again. He was almost glad no one could see him like that. Almost. 

He wandered out of the bathroom, sitting on the floor at the end of the bed Richie was asleep on, and he stayed there until the next day. 

Eddie became Richie’s shadow in a way, following him around the next day as he met with the Losers. Eddie found that it wasn’t as bad as it had been the previous day. Everyone was smiling and talking, and even though Eddie couldn’t join the conversation, he was still there with his friends. He could still smile at their jokes and share in their memories. He could almost forget he was dead. 

But then everyone split up again, going their separate ways, and that empty, sad feeling came back. Eddie followed Richie again, not saying anything. He had said everything he wanted to last night, and found it easier to just watch Richie in silence. He hated how upset Richie still was, and he knew it was because of him. He had always been the weakest out of the group, Eddie knew this, and he hung his head in shame as he walked a few feet behind Richie. 

Eddie was confused as he realized where Richie was. It was the kissing bridge, why the fuck was Richie at the kissing bridge?

Eddie sat on the bridge, watching as the other man crouched down and carved something into the wood. He saw that Richie’s eyes glistened with tears, and he wished more than anything that he could comfort him, or tell him a stupid joke, or give him a hug. 

But all that Eddie could do was watch as Richie looked at the R+E he carved.

For a brief moment, Eddie’s heart jumped, because he had been in love with Richie since he was thirteen and Richie felt the same way? Richie loved him back? 

That happiness only lasted seconds, because then Eddie remembered that he was dead. That he could never tell Richie that he loved him back, that Richie would never fucking know. 

He felt stupid and cowardly, and he fucking hated himself for never telling Richie about his feelings. Richie had told him that he was brave, but he sure didn’t feel it. And now he was dead. 

Dead.

Eddie’s feet swung as he sat on the bridge, and the tears that fell from his eyes made no stain on the wood. He felt empty. 

Eddie followed Richie to his hotel again that night, still feeling like a shadow. He didn’t have the energy to try and speak to him, he knew Richie wouldn’t be able to hear him. He sat in the bathroom all night, he found that ghosts don’t sleep. Instead he was alone with his thoughts, and Richie’s snores, and Eddie was scared it would drive him insane. 

The next day, everyone met up one last time before leaving Derry. Eddie felt frantic as he tried to focus on everyone at once, he knew that this was probably the last time he would see them all in one place. Even if they couldn’t see him, he felt included as they said their goodbyes. 

Eddie didn’t even think as he got into Richie’s car. It only felt natural for him to stay with Richie, and why would he want to stay in Derry alone? The place that he fucking died in. 

No, Eddie was fine with leaving, going to California or wherever Richie wanted to go. It filled Eddie with sadness, being in the passenger seat with Richie, because he imagined how different it would be if he were still alive. He imagined riding with the windows down, music blasting, while Richie made dumb jokes that made them both laugh. He thought about experiencing California, how Richie would take him to new restaurants and different places, how they could have a life together. 

There was no music playing as Richie drove, and Eddie saw the dark rings under his eyes and the sadness in his face.

But Eddie knew that Richie couldn’t stay sad forever. He would go back to his comedy shows, and Eddie would be there in the front row, even if Richie couldn’t see him. This thought was the first thing that gave Eddie a slight bit of motivation for the future. 

He would see Richie recover. He would go to his shows, all of them. And if Richie was happy, that was enough for Eddie to be ok. 

Eddie saw the “Thanks for visiting Derry” sign from the window as Richie drove, and the next thing he knew, he was standing in the road, watching as the red car drove farther and farther away. 

Eddie tried to run after the car, after Richie, but he couldn’t move forward, it was like trying to get past a wall. 

Deep down, Eddie knew what was happening. He didn’t know why, but he knew he couldn’t leave Derry. 

That didn’t stop him from screaming after Richie, yelling his name and that he fucking loved him and that he was there and to please come back. But Richie’s car was just a dot in the distance, and then it was gone. 

Eddie sat slumped against the sign for hours, sobbing. 

He had never considered that he’d be stuck in Derry, that he wouldn’t be able to leave with Richie. He felt empty, not having the energy to stand or move.

He must have stayed there for five hours, until it became dark, and Eddie still remained at the sign, his cheeks stained with tears.

It wasn’t that he was hoping that Richie would come back, Eddie knew he wouldn’t. He knew that Richie would probably never come back there again. He just didn’t know what else to do. He had nothing, no purpose. 

It was around 2 AM when Eddie picked himself up and slowly walked back into the town, a vacant expression on his face. The streets were empty and silent as he walked aimlessly, and all he could think about was that this day had been the last time he would ever see his friends. He would be stuck in Derry as they lived their lives. 

What if they forgot him again? 

The thought made Eddie’s head hurt, and he kept walking to try and distract himself, but everything he passed reminded him of them. 

He walked past the theatre, remembering when they had all went and saw some werewolf movie that had scared Richie. The other boy wouldn’t admit that he was scared, but Eddie had noticed the way he would lean close to him during the jumpscares. 

The town somehow looked exactly the same as it had when he was a kid, and Eddie hated it. Sure, the memories were good ones, but they taunted him, reminding him that he was stuck there while life went on for everyone else. 

He had never felt more alone, more purposeless. 

As the morning crept into Derry, Eddie didn’t know where to go. He wished more than anything that he didn’t fucking exist, because this pain that he felt was worse than anything that he had felt when he was alive. It wasn’t physical pain, like when he was killed. No, it was the horrible feeling and knowledge that he was doomed, that he would never feel a simple touch ever again, that no one could see him, that his friends might forget him, that all he would ever know from then on was sadness and despair. 

Eddie found himself at the kissing bridge again, leaned against Richie’s R+E. 

He thought of all the things he should have done in his life and hung his head in shame. 

In the middle of the day, Eddie wandered the town again. What the hell else was he supposed to do? He didn’t like being around other people, he hated that they looked right through him, it made him feel wrong. So instead, he walked into the woods, remembering playing there as a kid. Him, Richie, Bill, and Stan would go into these woods after class sometimes, doing their homework or eating lunch or just playing around. 

As he walked around the trees, he saw a flock of birds up ahead, and a figure sitting in the grass watching them. Something drew Eddie closer to them, and he walked up behind the man with the brown curly hair. Something about him felt familiar to Eddie, but he couldn’t place what it was. 

Eddie made the comment quietly without even thinking. He knew no one could hear him, he was used to speaking around living people without expecting any response. 

“Birdwatching, huh?” 

But the second Eddie spoke, the man turned around, looking him right in the face. 

It took Eddie by surprise, because he had fucking heard him, he was fucking looking at him, really seeing him. It filled him with so much excitement that it took him a moment to really look at the man back, to see his face. 

At first he didn’t recognize him, but then it clicked. It had been 27 years, but Eddie never could have forgotten Stanley Uris. 

“Stan.” 

Eddie half expected him to not say anything back, but Stan’s eyes were wide and still fixed on Eddie’s face as he said “Eddie?” 

Eddie sat down next to Stan, and it made some sense to him. They had both died, and there they both were. 

They sat and talked for hours, and Eddie realized that he wasn’t as alone as he had thought he was. For the first time since he had died, Eddie felt at peace.

**Author's Note:**

> If u ever see me bein sad, mind ur business, Im just thinking about ghost eddie sitting at the kissing bridge alone >:(


End file.
